Can we pretend this never happened?
I wanted to pretend that COVID wasn’t happening.
Back in late February 2020, when COVID was starting to become part of everyday life in the US –
I wondered if I should mention it in my content…
I thought This is going to go away soon.
Do I want to address it in a blog someone may read later?
Maybe I’ll just pretend it’s not really happening.
How ridiculous! I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. It’s affected all of us – so differently, so deeply –
But I thought I could get away with pretending…
And frankly, I’ve been pretending in other parts of my life -
Pretending is something I’ve noticed myself doing more and more…
It could be as simple as, Let’s pretend I didn’t send out an email last week with a couple of errors in it.
Or on a more serious note, Let’s pretend I never said that hurtful, stupid thing.
We can even take it to the identity level: Let’s pretend I didn’t used to be a miserable, controlling person.
Pretending protects us from what others think of us…
But more deeply, it protects us from what we think of ourselves.
I could pretend with you every week, in my podcast, emails, blogs, & posts, that I’ve figured out all my shit.
I mean - I’ve done my work. I’ve gone through therapy. (A few times!)
I have a coach. Worked with the healers.
I used to be a very angry person, and I’m less angry every day now.
And my old angry self? She’s not my favorite part of me. But she’s still there.
I could pretend that who I used to be is not who I am anymore.
But that’s a LIE.
Because I’ve been so angry lately. At what’s happening in our world. At how scared people are. At how disjointed we are as a country. About injustice. Illness. Poverty.
There’s a lot to be angry about – and Angry Jen exists to protect & serve me sometimes.
When Angry Jen shows up, I judge the hell out of myself.
My coach Patty calls this the “Not Me” part of me. The part of ourselves we don’t like – the ones we try to squash - pretending they don’t exist.
There are other parts of me I’d love to pretend don’t exist.
Snarky Jen. Judgy Jen.
Bitingly Sarcastic Jen.
(She shows up in a costume that looks like Witty Jen, but she’s not fooling anyone.)
When we pretend these parts don't exist, we think we don’t have to deal with them.
But in case you haven’t noticed, pretending is friggin’ exhausting. And it keeps us lying to ourselves – stuck; not moving forward.
Let’s normalize this conversation – because if we pretend for too long we start to lose ourselves.
Guess how I know that?
SIGH. I bet you’re plumb tuckered out by everything going on right now in the world…
Understand 3 things:
- You are NOT alone. I swear to GOD – you are NOT the only one feeling completely wiped out, confused, and drained by everything going on around you.
- The struggle is REAL – even if the people around you are unaffected by it. YOUR experience is real.
- You MUST stop PRETENDING you need to be perfect, different, better, or more. Stop pretending that the parts of you you don’t care for don’t exist.
There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling how you feel.
Let’s NORMALIZE it. Let’s stop pretending it’s not happening.
Whatever you want for your life – pretending will NOT get you there.
(Well…it certainly won’t KEEP you there).
To have whatever it is you want – the personal work of dealing with your own Not You parts is a very necessary part of the game.
We no longer have to pretend the parts of us that we’re not crazy about don’t exist!
But we DO need a plan to deal with them!
Because the more we pretend, the less ourselves we become.
Again – guess how I know??
Yes, I know this is difficult. Other people may not like this part of you.
They may be used to you pretending –
These are not the pretty parts of ourselves - and maybe in the past you’ve been shamed for this part of you by others.
One thing I’ve learned is that we can’t control what OTHER people do or say. We can’t control other people’s thoughts. Or judgments.
When we pretend or hide ourselves and try to be perfect FOR THEM, we’re cheating on ourselves.
No matter what, some people are going to hate what you do.
Others will not care what you do – and sometimes that’s worse.
Some are going to love you. Others despise you.
Judge you. Ignore you.
They’re going to troll you. Praise you.
You have ZERO control.
Are you ready to stop pretending? THAT’s when you’ll be ready to live the life you want to have.
Here’s what you do next:
- Name how you’re feeling. NO SHAME.
- Remember you’re not alone.
- SHOW UP for that version of yourself. What does she need?
For me, it’s combination of A LOT OF rest and alone-time. Which is weird for me.
What is it for you?
What do YOU need?
Normalize it. And honor it.
Xoxo, Jen
PS: Why is figuring out what you need so hard? It’s often because we lack the time & energy necessary to get some desperately-needed space to hear what’s in our brain.
If that sounds like you, download this free resource ~ How to Master Your Time – 3 simple steps to more energy & time – without overhauling your life.
Implement the tools inside this PDF and within a few days, you’ll begin to see REAL changes – so you’re not so exhausted, overwhelmed, and depleted!
