How Going After Your Goals Affects Your Family
You’re a woman who wants MORE. That’s why you’re reading this blog, right?
Obviously.
But here’s what happens to many women like you & me: when a woman wants MORE, our first concern is often, How will this affect my people?
My family. My partner. Employees. Clients?
A huge mental story begins: I can’t do X because Y will be upset, affected, disappointed, etc. etc. etc.!
It keeps us from even starting to get what we want!
We just circle & circle with our story - feeling exhaustion, resentment, & depletion.
We put off taking action, often with lots of reasons:
- I need to learn more before I can start.
- I don't have the time.
- I have too much on my plate.
- It’s not fair to my partner/kids/family/etc.
This mindset creates a story that when we move toward what we want, we’re actually being selfish.
I struggle with this idea because growing up, the number one complaint I heard from my parents was, “You are SO SELFISH.”
Being identified as selfish is a pain point for me, even as an adult. Early on in adulthood, I went overboard in over-giving to ensure no one thought me SELFISH.
I’ve learned strategies over the years to create boundaries for myself - so I can have TIME with myself…and also still give my people what they need.
This hasn’t been easy, but I know many women entrepreneurs struggle with it.
The guilt & worry keeps them from growing, leveling up, or even starting businesses.
It keeps them from their dreams, ideas, and goals.
On their behalf, I wanted to know whether moving towards our goals negatively affects the people around us: so I asked a brutally honest person:
My Tween-ager.
Jack Liddy, twelve and highly opinionated, agreed to let me interview him. What I learned was enlightening -
- What I go after what I want, it matters. He’s impressed with my work in the world. He’s proud of me. He thinks what I’m doing is important.
In fact, he told me he likes that he benefits from my skills for free - when other people have to pay for them!
This made me chuckle - but ultimately what he’s saying is he sees my VALUE!
Many women entrepreneurs don’t quite see their value, so they don’t put themselves on the list of things to take care of. Are you making this mistake?
I learned that knowing my value & conveying it not only to my clients - but also to my family - creates respect for my goals. That sure as hell helps ME move forward.
How about you?
- Jack sees himself as more independent & grown up because he’s learned there are boundaries & he’s been taught to respect them.
Because I run a business, Jack’s been asked to do uncomfortable things early on - sometimes having to entertain himself, wait for a request to be fulfilled, or take care of a job or chore that he doesn’t really want to do.
The good news? This sets him up for what real life entails! All of this has happened with a lot of transparent conversation, and he apparently doesn’t resent me for it.
This is important to me because - as a former high school & college teacher - I saw too many kids who were entitled & had no idea how to Adult.
Me going after my goals has allowed my kid to practice the skills he’ll need in the real world, in a safe place.
- The coolest thing I learned is that Jack sees his future is HIS - he’s not sure where he’s headed, but he knows he can do whatever he wants, because he’s watched his parents do it.
What’s more empowering than that!? A kid who knows he’s in charge of his decisions? That life doesn’t happen to him? That he can steer his own ship?
How would your life be different if you realized that little gem of a realization early on in your life?
I’d have personally avoided several terrible, harmful relationships and not wasted as much time & money as I did!
Essentially, I now see that going after my goals allows Jack to know he can go after HIS goals!
What a damn gift for him!
You can watch his interview by clicking here.
Are you waiting until you get the green light from everyone in your life before you give yourself permission to SHOW UP for yourself?
If so - the wait will be painful. You can tell yourself your needs don’t matter - that other people are more important.
But what are you teaching those people? How are you serving them?
You don't need permission from anyone else but yourself.
Jack’s insights are honest, realistic, and thoughtful. If you’re struggling with the story that you can’t move forward because other people haven’t given you permission, it’s
TIME TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION!
Give yourself permission to:
Grow.
Level up.
Get what you want.
It won’t be easy. Or comfortable.
But it’s where all the GOOD STUFF HAPPENS!
Start getting to the good stuff!!
Xoxo,
Jen
PS: Want to grow your business and tired of spinning around, trying to figure it out? Register for this local workshop to help you move forward in 3 do-able steps! Join me if you’re nearby - and walk away with immediately implementable strategies to grow your business!
