The Gift of My Husband Leaving

May 19, 2019

My husband left - again. On Mother’s Day.

No, no, no. Don’t misunderstand. It’s not what you think --

Five times a year, he takes college students to different cities, visiting flourishing businesses & teaching them what it’s really like to be an entrepreneur.

I’ve MADE it VERY DRAMATIC.

He has to leave on Mother’s Day. For YEARS it’s PISSED ME RIGHT OFF>

For someone who doesn’t like drama, I sure as shit stirred some up.

Pouting, huffing, complaining. Sighing. Resenting.

[Oh, this is such a cringeworthy story, but it’s fun to make fun of myself - and also make a point.]

One time, he got exasperated & said, “JEN!! I not on vacation! I’m working 7:30 in the morning until 11:30 at night with these kids!”

[PSST: my husband is the most mild-mannered, awesome dude on the planet. For him to say that was like, WHOA. Wake UP, Jen!]

What he was saying was True. True. True.

For a long time, none of that mattered to me. He wasn’t home. The end.

Then a weird thing happened: the more he traveled, the more I got used to it.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I needed to GROW THE EFF up

He likes the travel, the students, the work.

So, I’m done being a baby.

To deal with being alone for weeks at a time, I now look for the GIFTS.

 First: he’s the main breadwinner in our family. For now ;)  

Thankyouverymuch, John.

His work is vital to our lifestyle & freedom we have.

ALSO? He’s HAPPY! If I asked him to stop traveling & get a 9-to-5 JOB, he’d be miserable.

PLUS -

When he’s gone, I get little freedoms. The entire bed? MINE!

But mostly, I’ve learned I can do hard things without him there to take care of er’rythang!

An aspect of our relationship that used to be a strain is now something that gives us each space to explore what we love. To become more of who we are.

I’ve proven some pretty cool shit to myself.

When we stop for a minute and take a look, we see our wins.

I bet you’ve proven some pretty cool shit to YOURself if you take a look.

Tough moments are our greatest gifts!

Are you struggling with tough moments in your business?

It’s time to give yourself some tough love.

Put your big-girl panties on and get clear with yourself.

In other words: find the GIFT.

SHIFT so you can see it.

Tired of being in the struggle?

Let’s create ease.

Here’s an example from real life: My client called me in tears about a difficult customer who challenged her pricing.

The customer said, arrogantly, “Your pricing’s too high!”, which of course sent my client into a tailspin. She called me to re-hash & trouble shoot.

I told her, “That client is a gift.”

We processed it: feeling of incompetent & stupid. Imposter Syndrome rearing its head. The anger & injustice.

We’ve all been there, right? Someone or something is difficult, and we want to complain.

But maybe there’s a gift in there for you. You just might not know what it is yet - and you don’t need to beat yourself up about that!

I asked my client, “What can you learn from this? What’s she teaching you?”

And this earnest, willing, highly coachable client realized all she had to do was show her value.

 If her customer can’t see that, it’s not her job to convince her.

After that, my client was ready for anything any customer threw at her.

After that, she was ready for anything a customer threw at her.

I’ve personally had potential clients tell me:

  • I had no idea you were so expensive.
  • I have to ask permission before I say yes.
  • I’ll work with you if you send me a list of all the people you’ve worked with.
  • I want to know exactly what results you’ve gotten all your other clients.
  • I need a script so I can convince my husband that this is a good use of our money.

 Those are not requests I can honor. They don’t help the client. They don’t help me. I don’t waste my time convincing anyone.

AND????

I’ll be 100% honest with you. All of these have thrown me into a tailspin at times - in both of my businesses.

Why? Because I’ve taken them personally and couldn’t find the gift.

Let me break it down:

Each request has to do with distrust. The potential client doesn’t trust that I can deliver the value I say I will.

Maybe I haven’t made it clear. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to really make the change she says she wants.

Either way: I can’t take it personally.

Neither can you.

Look for the gift.

Is this an opportunity to examine whether your pricing is too high, your program doesn’t work, or that you’re not serving your clients?

OK! Take a look!

But - no matter WHAT, there will always be someone who balks.

I could say, “Hey! Wanna get a free one-hour coaching session?” and someone will say… “Wow? It takes an HOUR? That’s SO MUCH TIME…”

See what I mean?

It’s about them. Not about you.

What’s the gift here?

KNOW YOUR VALUE.
SHOW YOUR VALUE.

What pain in the ass situation are you currently dealing with? And what’s the gift inside of it?

If you’re married to your misery, you’re not going to find the gift.

Shift your mindset. Get quiet with yourself and ask, “What’s the gift here?”

Business not going so well?
Relationship not going so well?
Self-love not going so well?

 The conflict is a gift. Can you stop long enough to see what it is?

 Sometimes we can’t see it for ourselves. We get stuck in loops that keep us feeling low. Keeping us from taking action.

Keeping us from seeing our value.

Your job is not to convince others of your value. Your job is to see your OWN value.

That’s the work. And it’s really work - it ain’t easy. It’s why coaches EXIST! (If we could do this work on our own, we’d already have done it!)

 What’s the gift in your current shitty situation? How can you make it work FOR you?

This is hard to do. Easy to say. Easy to understand.

Hard to do.

Don’t keep suffering. Reach out & talk to me - you can apply for a Breakthrough Call to work through what you want & where you’re stuck.

 Learn how to stop feeling shitty in a recurring situation. Shift it & get your power back.

So here’s what’s UP:

Lately, peeps have been asking me for one-off sessions. I don't usually do ‘em because… well…sometimes people put a LOT of expectations on themselves in these sessions.

 But maybe you want to test the waters. Learn what this coaching stuff is all about. See how I can help you.

 So okay okay okay okay…

 Lemme tell you about my one-time sessions.

 I call ‘em Deep Dive Sessions because - well…we dive deep. In 90 minutes you’ll wind up with a helluva lot more clarity than you come in with.

For this week, I’m offering it with a 20% savings, because - I’ll tell you what: people out there are FEELIN’ IT right now. Need support.

So here’s my gift to you. Use the code CLARITY and cash in your very own Gift!

With love,
Jen

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